Sunday, August 23, 2009

"I'll say "Yes,Lord."

"When your spirit speaks to me, with my whole heart I'll agree and my answer will be "Yes Lord, yes."

These are some of the words to a song we sing at our church. When I am singing these words and when I'm going I about my daily routine, I mean these words with all of my heart and soul.

I believe that God speaks to us, regardless of whether it be in an audible voice that we may hear in our minds or through a silent voice, or even other ways. Sometimes I hear and, truthfully, sometimes I don't. I am sure that when I don't hear him, when he is speaking to me, it is because I am either busy talking or putting my attention elsewhere. As time passes, I learn more and more about paying attention in my spirit, so that I do my best to hear when and what God speaks to me.

There have been times when I knew God was nudging me to do or say something for someone else and I knew that if I didn't do it, whatever it was, that I would regret it later. The first time I felt moved in my spirit to do what I felt God urging me to do, I held back and said, "No." I was afraid of the unknown outcome. Because I said no, I regretted it so much later on. It took that heavy feeling of regret for me to decide that I wouldn't say no anymore. Since then, I have determined about doing what I feel or hear God moving me to do. Sure, there have been times when I felt fear arise before I did or said whatever it was that I felt God leading me to do/say, but I muster the courage to walk through the fear and do it anyway. Especially since I know that God is not the author of fear.

Not every time was I thanked or did I physically see a grand outcome from doing what I'd said yes to, but every time I have walked away with an un-explainable peace in my heart. I've never, until now, felt that anyone had ever totally rejected listening to what God had for them, that I was delivering or doing for Him.

I waited until I knew that I was clear on what God was speaking to my heart. I delivered the message , carefully and cautiously, due to surrounding circumstances of frustration. As I delivered what was in my heart, I was caught off gaurd that I had been cut off and not heard through, and, needless to say, felt the sting of rejection. But this was a different feeling of rejection. It wasn't like being told you aren't good enough, or even like being rejected from a group at school or church or a club. I remember being picked last, many times, to be on one of the teams for gym ball, in elementary school. That becomes a serious feeling of rejection after several times of it happening. If you can relate then you know what I mean. This sting was so much deeper than any I've ever felt. I don't know how better to explain it. I can happily say that I hadn't had my feelings on my shoulder or anywhere near my sleeve, but all of a sudden, I felt cut and the searing sting of a different kind of rejection. I did my best to explain a little better, but it appeared that I was at a dead end with the delivery. I knew what I was suppose to do and I did it, but it didn't feel like near enough. I stopped and very quietly said, "God, I don't understand. I did what you told me to do and I know that you are right. What just happened? I said "Yes, Lord". Why does this feel like this?" The sting only began to feel worse and so overwhelming. My joy was not stolen:):) I still have it, but such a heaviness and sadness moved in that all I could do was just be and ask God to help me. I felt sad for God. Yep, I said it. I felt sad for God because he'd been clear with me and, though I'd done what he prompted me to do, and being confident in what he'd placed in my heart, it never got a chance to proven to be effective, according to His will, not mine.

Did I take it personal? For a few moments I did until something crossed my mind, "maybe, since the sadness does not feel anything like or near a self-pity, this sadness I feel isn't for me." It was for God. It made me feel like crying and apologizing to God for what had happened, although no apology was due from me. I got away for a few minutes and cried and told God that I didn't understand. He knew my heart, better than me, had been humble upon delivery and that I was struggling w/how to handle it. I asked God to please make my heart whole and help me not to feel what I was feeling, and also to help me resist the anger that was beginning to knock on my heart's door.

Hours later, I am still astounded and wandering why God would "speak" to me and then allow it to "backfire." Then, I think to myself, "Maybe this is the start of a new level of spiritual growth. Perhaps it happened that way because God is turning up the temperature on this "piece of rice" and preparing it (me) for the big boil. (Re: previous post) I don't know.

What I do know is that when God speaks to me, I will still say yes. When he shows me a way to break down a "wall" and turn a situation around, I won't ever stand back, again, and wait to be joined. When God says move, I refuse to stand still. He is a loving and patient God, but time doesn't stop and wait on us to move.

At the end of the day, I am feeling more and more grateful (with each moment that passes) that I responded, "Yes" to God and that I didn't turn back to my old ways of lashing out upon the first sign of any type of rejection. What I learned is that God knows what is best. I have no doubt God saw what was ahead and that He remains in control. He's Great and greatly to be praised.

Thank you God for using me. "Yes, Lord, you can use me."

Until next time,


  1. Dear sweet sister,
    I experience this almost everytime I get up to speak God's word with my congregation. I spend time on my knees praying and/or fasting, reading, studying, meditating and waiting to hear from God.

    He gives me my sermon. I get up in the pulpit and preach it. Then, almost every week, I'll get a head's up, a phone call, an email, sometimes little comments later on and realize that the very person that message may have been for has rejected it.

    At first, I took it personal. It has been a slap in my face several times to realize that REALLY, not only did they not listen and hear, they were either talking, not paying attention, or decided to drop their dedication all together and go play in the spiritual traffic with a knife and act like someone who doesn't care at all about God.

    Then I realized it was for God not me that he was being rejected. I did as I was told. It was up to the person to move forward with it.

    I have come to learn that I have no control over the outcome of my sermons. Countless times over the past year, I have thrown my hands in the air and asked God if I should just give up and quit speaking to his people.
    He reminds me of something pretty special.

    I get frustrated when someone doesn't hear it, get it the first time. It makes me crazy that someone may have to hear something 43 times.

    God's not like that. It doesn't hurt his feelings. See he already knows that person is going to have to hear the same thing 43 times before they actually grasp it. So, instead of getting his feelings hurt or getting angry, I believe God rejoices. I believe he says, "YES! My messenger gave the message! Only 42 more times to go! Then my child will understand!"

    It kinda puts things it a different perspective.

    Remember this. When you are delivering a message from God, you cannot take it personal. You are just the messenger! It's all about God and that person!

  2. Exactly what I came to sis. I appreciate your response to this. It not only helps me to feel related to, but, it helps me to have a better view of your position as Pastor.

    The times that I struggle The Most to not take things personal is when a sister/brother in Christ speaks carelessly and without regard/respect to others and then if it's pointed out, for sake of resolve, dances around it w/an apology as plastic as a small child who states they are want to clean house because they feel like doing it for no reason. I don't know what the lesson for me is in that. I certainly don't feel nor believe that (as much as I can now appreciate being so much like mama) it is right/let alone Christian to continuously "be o.k." with it and keep walking into it. I can't help but wander what the right thing to do is, aside from praying for my own spirit and total self and whoever it may be. I appreciate and respect positions because they play an important role into the Christian body, as a whole. I know there is a lesson in this for me or else each time the return is made to this same old spot I wouldn't feel the way I do. I want to handle myself God's way, not Rachel's, yours, or anyone else's. My true heart's desire is to be like Jesus by way of Jesus living through me. As I commune with God throughout each day, my heart is in contast prayer, not turmoil, with what He wants me to learn/do with how to deal with this. In the meantime, I continue to praise and worship and go about my journey and walk with Him, knowing that His lamp won't run out of oil and that He will continue to light the path where He wants me to walk.

    I love you, too, hermana preciosa de mio:):) (Precious sister of mine- time for that foreign language biz again sis:))And while I am not blogging for re-actions/responses, I do appreciate you for sharing your heart with me and I thank you for allowing God to work through you in such a beautiful way because your ministry has and continues to touch my heart.

  3. Love your posts, Rach! You always make me think! I too love that song!

    Hey come on over to my blog. . you've been "tagged" if you so choose to accept the mission.
    It's easy, I promise. I know time is tight for you right now.
    Love you!!!