Today was my first day in my Anatomy and Physiology101 class and then later my Phychology (Lifespan Development) class. It was exciting to drive to the campus where I once met my sister-n-law to sit as "security" with her as she waited on her classmates, when she was in school for nursing. I remembered the fun I had studying with her at Denny's once when she was prearing for a big test. I was excited that it was finally here, for me, too. When I got to class, I was one out of no less than at least 80-100 people. It was interesting and it was exciting to me that my mind was "waking-up" and recalling many of the things the instructor was talking about and showing us. I remembered things I forgot I learned way back in 2000-2001, in A&P during school for massage. This class definately seems like my choice of classes to naturally feel excited about attending:)

Later I would drive to the main campus and get to attend my first Lifespan Development class. That was another great experience. My instructor seems like a wonderful person, overall, with nothing less than an inspiring story of her rise from a poverty stricken upbringing in a foreign country where people would not "normally" reach their dreams of "success"to working, with sheer determination all the way, to earn and maintain straight A grades all the way through her regular school years, which would later gain her a scholarship to college where she became a teacher, then earn another scholarship and invitation to come to the U.S.A. and study at a great college, where she would earn yet another scholarship and go from her Master's to now, her Doctorate. I was honored to be able to attend her second-ever college taught class in America, today. She is a true gem.

I learned sooo much in this one day, one of a whirlwind of emotions that didn't last for a long time, but definately hit when they hit. Yesterday, while preparing my things for today's classes, I went onto my college web-site, personal student services (records, etc.) and was looking for something when I saw that my math class was no longer on my current schedule. (My last math class:) While I was sure it was a glitch, I still couln't seem to help but wander what happened to my schedule that I printed only a a few days ago that showed my all of my classes that I'd signed on for, including Math118.?. As I looked my records through, fear began to rise. (I'm not a math fan.) So, I printed off what I was seeing, including the e-mail that I had from back in the end of last semester, from the chair of the RN Nursing Program, stating that my next Math step was to be Math118. I also printed off the page where my grades were suppose to be posted all along, last semester, but never were, blah, blah, and blah, got it all organized, went to bed and cried on God's shoulder and begged Him to help me handle myself, inside and out, with grace regardless of what reasoning was for this when I went to sort it out, today.

After my last class, I went and sat with an Advisor to learn that I had been allowed to sign up for Math118 AND Anatomy & Physiology by mistake (somehow I was accepted and even on the roster I signed in my A&P class this morning.) I didn't understand totally, but I did feel my "heart rising to my throat" and my hearing changing into that monotone machine roaring sound (I know-sounds contradictory, but true) that cranks up when I experience extreme anxiety. She explained to me although she didn't know how this all had gotten messed up I will need to repeat Math050. What????noooo:(..... I fought the tears and all I could say to this helpful and kind lady was, "Well, thank you Jesus." What?? I heard those words come from my mouth and thought Rachel, what do you do now? So, she went on to explain to me that because I had not passed Math050, I would also be dropped by the system from my Anatomy & Physiology class and asked if I would like to go ahead and drop it on my own or just wait until "it" dropped me. Why did feel like someone had just asked if I wanted to "pull the plug or let 'em go on their own?" I decided to drop it myself right then so that I could go on and be done and over with it, and then she helped me to find a spot in a Math050 class.

Long story, right? It's not over. It only got better from there. Sarcastic? No, I mean it. As I sat with her and went through this process, I felt anger. Why hadn't my failing grade been posted, delivered via my school e-mail, or at least why wasn't there some type of key to know what the heck an SD was???? Why? WHy?? WHY!!?? Without allowing my anger to exscape my mouth, I asked her to help me understand where to find and how to identify a failing grade (for sake of future reference or to perhaps be of help to someone else in the future.) She was very patient and helpful. That's when it dawned on me the word "grace". I stopped and took a moment to breathe away my math fears and feelings of serious "set-back" and remembered what I prayed to God, last night. It dawned on me that this did not have to be about failing general math three straight years in a row, in high school, and that I wasn't way back there, now. It occurred to me that this is a grand opportunity with tons of blessings planted along the all through it.

This evening, I am blessed that I have a second chance to attend a Math050 class and really "get it", this time around. I am blessed that I went with my gut feelings at the end of last semester when I decided to keep both my Math050 books to use for reference during my Math118 class. In other words, I have the books already unless they've changes them at the last minute. I am blessed because I went with my gut and haven't taken any of the plastic off of my A&P books or my Math118 books. This means I can get full refund on them (right at $600 on A&P alone:) I am blessed today because I get this opportunity to show myself that math is not "my past" and that it's harmless:):):) I am blessed because my now current Math050 class is only one hour after my Spanish class and in the same building, But Wait......and this learning center is only 20 minutes away from home. I am blessed because I didn't get messed up with my finacial aid, since I went from 13 credit hours to 11. And I am blessed because at least I will be familiar with the math that I will study this time around:)

The way I see it, the responsiblity was mine- to pass that class. I didn't via my own mistakes. The way I see it, God has given me more opportunity with this than any college can ever offer. The way I see it, God came through for me today. The way I see it, I am one of the "luckiest", most blessed students in Indiana because I am aware that with my diligent work, positive outlook, and focussed/disciplined mind, and greatest of all= God's help I am about to really learn some math and a lot of life lessons through Math050. Thank you, God:) and, I joyfully shout, "Yes!!!"

I am blessed.

Until next time,

PB&J